Updates…

Okay, I know I’m pretty sporadic with updating on here. Sorry about that; I get distracted easily and there’s not often much I want to blog about.

But I’ll update today because – quite frankly – I’m off my face.

Don’t worry - I’m LEGALLY off my face. I was diagnosed with clinical depression on Monday and I’ve been put on an antidepressant that I can neither spell or pronounce. It’s got me feeling woozy, lethargic and generally rather drunk (not that I’ve ever been drunk, but I imagine this is what it would feel like). I had a blood test yesterday, and in doing so discovered that my veins collapse in response to said blood tests. It was slightly annoying.

I’m not writing because I really can’t – I can’t think of anything and I can’t focus. However, I just discovered Windows Live Writer and that’s what I’m using to update on here. Pity it can’t finish Hybrid for me.

I think that’s all I have to say.

Dieting.

I am not a fan of dieting. Simply put, I love food. I'm not overweight - curvaceous is a better word. A womanly figure and so on and so forth.

But I have some pretty serious self-esteem issues that have plagued me since I was about eight. At eight I was sucking my tummy in because I felt fat. I used to make myself throw up - not to the point that I was bulimic, but I think at times I came close. Such is the influence of the modern world on young girls. I also hate sport, so I'm pretty unfit.

As a result, I am now on a diet and fitness regime. I'm eating healthy, and going to start working out, for the express purpose of feeling beautiful - for the first time in almost 18 years. I'm becoming legally an adult this year and I want to start this new phase of my life feeling good about myself.

I'm working on making changes. I'm looking for a fulltime job, and doing this whole dieting thing, and I have a doctor's appointment in a week's time to deal with my severe depression (which may or may not lead to a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, which is what Reece thinks I have). I'm giving it a shot. I want to be happy, pure and simple. I've spent most of my life hating myself and wanting to kill myself, and at fifteen I made that attempt... it's time for me to move on from this phase and learn to love myself.