Updates…

Okay, I know I’m pretty sporadic with updating on here. Sorry about that; I get distracted easily and there’s not often much I want to blog about.

But I’ll update today because – quite frankly – I’m off my face.

Don’t worry - I’m LEGALLY off my face. I was diagnosed with clinical depression on Monday and I’ve been put on an antidepressant that I can neither spell or pronounce. It’s got me feeling woozy, lethargic and generally rather drunk (not that I’ve ever been drunk, but I imagine this is what it would feel like). I had a blood test yesterday, and in doing so discovered that my veins collapse in response to said blood tests. It was slightly annoying.

I’m not writing because I really can’t – I can’t think of anything and I can’t focus. However, I just discovered Windows Live Writer and that’s what I’m using to update on here. Pity it can’t finish Hybrid for me.

I think that’s all I have to say.

Dieting.

I am not a fan of dieting. Simply put, I love food. I'm not overweight - curvaceous is a better word. A womanly figure and so on and so forth.

But I have some pretty serious self-esteem issues that have plagued me since I was about eight. At eight I was sucking my tummy in because I felt fat. I used to make myself throw up - not to the point that I was bulimic, but I think at times I came close. Such is the influence of the modern world on young girls. I also hate sport, so I'm pretty unfit.

As a result, I am now on a diet and fitness regime. I'm eating healthy, and going to start working out, for the express purpose of feeling beautiful - for the first time in almost 18 years. I'm becoming legally an adult this year and I want to start this new phase of my life feeling good about myself.

I'm working on making changes. I'm looking for a fulltime job, and doing this whole dieting thing, and I have a doctor's appointment in a week's time to deal with my severe depression (which may or may not lead to a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, which is what Reece thinks I have). I'm giving it a shot. I want to be happy, pure and simple. I've spent most of my life hating myself and wanting to kill myself, and at fifteen I made that attempt... it's time for me to move on from this phase and learn to love myself.

Fishtanks, Scott Pilgrim and MCR.

So, Reece came over yesterday with three large boxes that contained my Christmas present - a fishtank with stand so that I can get axolotls. He even set it up for me. Which means I GET PETS. :D He's so good to me.

We then watched Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, which was actually quite good. Funny. He adored it thanks to it being basically his mind put into film form - lots of 90s video game references. It is a good movie, and that's saying something coming from me.

MCR... ah, MCR. I got the new My Chemical Romance CD today from my parents for Early Christmas. It is, quite simply, an amazing album. Punk with a little bit of dance on some tracks. A real anarchist theme. Catchy. Sad. Romantic ("Can I be the only hope for you? Because you're the only hope for me"). I'm on my third or fourth run through. Okay, MCR isn't for everyone - I know a lot of people hate them - but they're my favourite band, and they've really improved over the years. Danger Days: True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys - I give it a 5/5.

It's been three years since I played music.

Yep, three years since I picked up my flute for the express purpose of playing again and sticking with it. I played for five years before I quit, and in that time (at risk of sounding conceited) I got pretty damn good. I spent a few years in concert band, first in primary school and then in high school as first flute. I was classically trained in high school. I have a collection of music that's reasonably impressive. I was good - I was playing Grade Five AMEB without ever having done AMEB before. (AMEB = Australian Music Examination Board, or something similar. Very fancy.)

And then, like many other things, I got bored with it. I quit. The conductor in band heda-hunted me for a while, and I was head-hunted again when we moved interstate, but I never got back into it. In the last few months, I've felt tempted to go back to it. Music has a power to it, a sense of release. You can stop playing but it never really leaves you.

So, yesterday, I got my flute and my sheet music out of my cupboard, sorted through it and resolved to get back my talent. I'm rusty, no doubt about it - I'm ashamed to admit I've got a fingering chart on my desk in case I've forgotten notes, which I have - but the sound is okay. I need to exercise to get my lung capacity back up, and need to do something about my poor arthritic fingers/bad circulation. But I can do this.

I've got three pieces out: one I know for certain I was playing perfectly before I quit (Chorale from Jupiter, from Holst's The Planets), one that's stunning and moderately difficult verging towards technically challenging (Sicilienne, from Pelleas et Melisande by Gabriel Faure) and one that I spent six months on with my tutor just to master the first half - the technical nightmare that is Hungarian Serenade by Victorin Joncieres.

I know I've got a lot of work to do - I'm working first on re-mastering Jupiter, and when I'm satisfied that I've achieved perfection with it I'll move on to Sicilienne, which is more challenging. And when I'm content with that, I'll resume tearing my hair out over Hungarian Serenade. Once I've mastered those three, it's off to the music store to get NEW SHEET MUSIC :D

I may post videos of the perfected pieces if you beg enough :P

The Christmas Season is Upon Us

It is, once again, December. And we all know what that means - Christmas. Decorations, carols, advent calendars with chocolate that tastes like Play Dough (I admit, I love the stuff) and entirely too much happiness for my liking.

I have probably said this before, but I hate Christmas. I can appreciate the reason for the holiday - birth of Jesus, etc. I respect it as a holy day for one of the world's most prominent religions - but I have no respect for it as a holiday. Christmas is really just a Capitalist's wet dream. The ideal money-maker. Tackiness, cheap nothings and 'Christmas spirit' - there's a lot of selling power here.

Really, it drives me insane. It's like Valentine's Day - a religious day being twisted to make money. There's only so much tackiness I can handle before I start getting pissed. Just *thinking* about Christmas sends me over the edge.

The Beginning of the End

So, I went to see Harry Potter today, with Reece. David Yates well and truly redeemed himself for the disasters of OotP and HBP. DHp1 was stunning considering how much it cut (weeks and weeks at a time were skipped, but it was necessary. The book just wasn't designed for adaptation). I had to explain a bit to Reece, who isn't a fan of the series and has never read the books. But I spent most of my time holding back tears. It was as emotional as the book - I positively bawled for Dobby, and as the film cuts off not long after that, it's painful to have to leave the cinema. Dobby's death was wonderfully done.

Everything felt right about this film, even the bits they added for dramatic effect. One of my favourite scenes in the film was actually an added one - where Harry and Hermione are dancing in the tent. Heartwrenching.

So yes, beautifully done, and I'm looking forward to see how Yates has tackled p2.

In related news: Reece managed to sit through watching me lose it over a Potter film, which he's never had to deal with before, and didn't run screaming. Therefore, he's a keeper. :P

Has anyone else seen DH yet? Tell me what you thought :)

A New Venture

So, I'm working on this new story, right? I'm kinda stuck on Hybrid (again) so I decided to start something else. I'm not sure if it's a short or a novel at this point in time. Probably a novel, knowing me. It's called Electric Angels, and my MC is Zillah Scordato, a twentysomething tattoo artist who just so happens to be a badass angel chick.

The issue I'm having is that I have NO FREAKING CLUE where I'm going with this. I've got this mental image of angels being totally badass with "wings" made of... kind of lightning. That's the image I've got. "Rawr I ZAP YOU, MOFO!" *shrugs*



That's how I picture Zillah. But... add tattoos.

But I need a plot. Right now, I'm writing crap. Seriously. It's BAD. But at the same time, I need to write it, y'know? There just so happens to be a distinct lack of purpose.